Only problem is.I don't know, everything. I mean, try to imagine Grindhouse careening head on into Mad Max in Tromaville, and you kind of get a sense of what Zombie Hunter is aiming for here.
This really isn't the review I want to be writing. The herd of zombies is about to shamble into the survivors' latest stomping ground, and they're either gonna have to steel themselves for an impossible battle or take this show on the road again.
The last time they tried to set out for sunnier shores, they fled the armies of the undead only to be attacked by cannibals of the living, breathing variety. He wakes up in a nearby camp with a handful of other straggling survivors.
We're knee-deep in a zombie apocalypse, and as far as The Hunter (Martin Copping) knows, he might be the last man on Earth.until a bullet crashes through the windshield of his muscle car, anyway. You know how in the Will Smith-ified I Am Legend there's that miracle drug that kills cancer and accidentally turns pretty much everyone on the planet into something close enough to zombies? Well, NATAS doesn't cure cancer, but this street drug still suffers from many of the same nasty side effects and oh wait look at the name backwards I get it now!!! Flash forward a year later. Efficient! Oh, except then there's that whole thing about Zombie Hunter really not being very good. Zombie Hunter only clocks in at an hour and a half too, so you're in and out in aįraction of the time. You've got Danny Trejo as a grizzled old shitkicker, he's staring down an army of ravenous gutmunchers, some fake film damage is sprinkled in there, and you're even lookin' at a bad-ass black muscle car with a skull on the front. We might not be able to prove Jesus Christ existence, but we could at least pretend the low budget abomination that is Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is non-existence.Zombie Hunter sort of plays like the Reader's Digest condensed version of Grindhouse. Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is pointless, lacks dialogue for 90 percent of it duration, contains a terrible soundtrack that rarely stops, and a lack of enjoyment for the viewer.
ZOMBIE HUNTER CAST MOVIE
The only redeeming quality about this movie is that it's short, but it'll likely feel like an eternity due to the lack of enjoyment this provides. It has no charm to it and just comes out a lazy film making without any passion in it. Yes everything is done poorly intentionally, but it works against the film itself. Also to all film makers everywhere, no one wants to see man who's dress like a woman, in lingerie, flirting and kissing Jesus Christ goodnight with horror music playing in the scene. No one even puts an effort in their role let alone even change their facial expression. One of the most ridiculous scene in the movie has Jesus Christ beating up around forty aesthesis who all just so happen to fit in a small van. It takes these actors around eight seconds to punch someone and another eight or twenty to decide to hit back. The fight scenes are poorly choreographed and are very, very, very, very slow. My major problem with the film, aside from no plot and a terrible soundtrack, is everything else. It's utter nonsense in a form of a very stupid movie that will even have the truest of believer doubting its existence. Why did Jesus Christ have a pointless musical number revealing his presence on Earth? Why did God communicate with Jesus via cherry ice-scream? What is famous Mexican wrestler El Santo doing in this movie? Why does El Santo have no accent? How did Jesus Christ kill vampires with light even though the movie establish these vampire are immune to light? I have no answers to any of the following questions and neither does the movie for that matter. The writing here is just utter nonsense with no rhythm and a absence of continuity. Scenes go nowhere and the rare minimal dialogue does nothing to explain what is going on. There is literally a song in this movie that literally just repeats "Do-Dat-Do-Dat-Doodliy-Dee-Be-Boo-Bop" for three minutes. For starter, the film biggest problem is that the movie won't shut up! There is rarely a moment of silence in the film and the movie soundtrack is terrible. Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter plot is self explained in the title which is all the explanation you will ever get. With a title like Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter you would at least expect the movie to be somewhat entertaining, right? Wrong! Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is low budget film-making at its worst without any appeal.
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